It's the Blog We Need...

Bane Must Break Kirk for Love!

2012-02-17T12:56:00.000-08:00

Nic Cage screams at the the camera this weekend, but there are also some smaller films out in limited release. There's ON THIN ICE, BULLHEAD, THIN ICE, and the Japanese anime feature THE SECRET WORLD OF ARRIETTY. One documentary I'm interested in eventually seeing, though, UNDEFEATED.

The Daniel Lindsay and T.J. Martin directed film follows an inner-city high school football team in Memphis trying to win their first playoff game in 110 years.

BIGGEST RELEASES OF THE WEEKEND:

GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE

I can't say it'll be good, but hopefully it'll be a little more entertaining than the first Ghost Rider film. As far as comic book superhero films go, though, is Ghost Rider a character that can carry a feature film? Ghost Rider seems better suited as a side character to reinforce a theme of a movie's narrative.

THIS MEANS WAR

I like Reese Witherspoon enough, but I find it difficult that Chris Pine and Tom Hardy, who both play spies, would fight over Witherspoon's character in a love triangle. It also doesn't help that Chelsea Handler is in the film as the "best friend." Although, it could be even more unbelievable with Captain Kirk and Bane fighting over Handler.

Dear Comm Log: 2/15/2012

2012-02-16T21:46:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

From The Emporiyum in Titan Student Union at Cal State Fullerton:

Jill's Valentine's Day Story

2012-02-16T16:13:00.000-08:00

On February 14th, my niece wrote this:

Transcript:

By Jillian Warren

Once there was an evil king.

He had a very devious plan.

The EVIL king was going to explode the town.

He thought it would work, but the hero of the town locked him up.

Being in jail made the king think alot

He remembered he had an extra bomb in his mouth

The king took it out and threw it at the jail cell door.

He ran out, escaping the police

Then he ran to the hero's house and beat him up.

The end

Doodling Markers Used

I bought her Crayola Washable Doodling Markers the other day. It appears she used them.

Dear Comm Log: 2/13/2012

2012-02-16T15:50:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

From The Emporiyum in Titan Student Union at Cal State Fullerton:

Dear Comm Log: 2/9/2012

2012-02-16T15:37:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

From The Emporiyum in Titan Student Union at Cal State Fullerton:

Dear Comm Log: 2/7/2012

2012-02-16T15:33:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

Heart-shaped Human Centipede

2012-02-14T10:21:00.000-08:00

VALENTINES DAY MOVIE OF THE CENTURY!

FEAR AND LOATHING IS PROBABLY BETTER!

HE'S A DOCTOR!

HE DID DO THAT!

JASON BOURNE CAN'T SAVE EDUCATION!

$20? NOT WORTH IT!

FANBOYS UNITE!

DON'T FUCK WITH BRAZIL!

NEVER HEARD OF IT!

Batman and Eastwood Make Media Literacy Come Alive

2012-02-12T15:19:00.000-08:00

The instructor for Media Literacy wanted to discuss the potential political and social messages in Chrysler's Super Bowl ad "It's Halftime in America," featuring Clint Eastwood. The commercial was met with some controversy because some felt Chrysler and Eastwood were campaigning for the reelection of President Obama in 2012. Both have denied any connection with the White House, but debate still remains.

Before class, the instructor had searched for the ad on YouTube and left the video loading, so that it would be ready to view during class. When he wasn't looking, I switched the instructor's video with a re-edited version titled "It's Halftime in America, Gotham City." The class knew something was fishy, but the instructor didn't quite realize why the entire class was laughing.

It seems the footage from Christopher Nolan's Batman films fit all too well with the message Eastwood (who normally describes himself to be a libertarian) had to share in Chrysler's commercial.

Dear Comm Log: 2/8/2012

2012-02-11T13:58:00.000-08:00

From The Emporiyum in Titan Student Union at Cal State Fullerton:

Jill's Review of THE KARATE KID (1984)

2012-02-11T11:38:00.000-08:00

My nine year old niece's review of THE KARATE KID (1984):

The Karate Kid (1984)
Jillian W.
Feb. 7, 2012
Ralph Macchio, who plays Daniel in the movie The Karate Kid, wants to win the tournament, but Johny, an evil bully from school, keeps him from getting what he wants. Hopefully, Daniel gets special karate tips from Mr. Miyagi that leads him to victory.

I enjoyed many things in this film. First, I loved the ending where Daniel kicks Johny right in the face. Next, I enjoyed the part when Mr. Miyagi fixes Daniel's leg after someone from the Cobra Kai cheated. I also liked when Mr. Miyagi kept working Daniel to do house work which turned out to be useful karate blocks. I give all of these things two thumbs up.
There were also things that I disliked. I didn't really like when it was Mr. Miyagi's anniversary and he drank too much alcohol. Next, I disliked one of the Cobra Kai members threatening Daniel before the tournament. I also didn't like the Cobra Kai cheaeting. The one thing I was confused on was that Daniel threw his bike away after Johny pushed him and his bike off of a hill. These things get a thumbs down from me.

After watching this movie I learned that you can achieve anything. I would recommend this movie to everybody and you recommend this to your friends.

Lost Would Have Been Interesting with The Rock and Vanessa Hudgens

2012-02-11T09:11:00.000-08:00

Woody Harrelson plays the bad cop in RAMPART this weekend. It's one of several new limited releases out this weekend along with RETURN, IN DARKNESS, and THE TURIN HORSE.

BIGGEST RELEASES OF THE WEEKEND:

STAR WARS, EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE (3D re-release)

Lucas tries to make you forget that The Phantom Menace is mediocre by converting into the THIRD DIMENSION! I predict it'll just make certain characters in the film more annoying.

THE VOW

It only looks like an adaptation of a Nicholas Sparks novel, but it's not. I'm not sure if that makes the film better or worse, but at least Rachel McAdams looks lovely in it. The story is based off a real-life couple who, according to McAdams, are still married with two kids, but she never regained her memory.

SAFE HOUSE

Denzel plays Denzel in this new Denzel Washington film. The CIA thriller also co-stars Ryan Reynolds playing Ryan Reynolds.

JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND

Dear Comm Log: 2/6/2012

2012-02-09T21:09:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

ABC Fami/y Uses Forward Slashes as Ls!

2012-02-07T14:21:00.000-08:00

DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S ABOUT, BUT I'M ADDING IT TO MY QUEUE!

45 MINUTES OF BABY DRAMA!

ORIGINAL SULU, GAY. NEW SULU, STRAIGHT. NPH, GAY. WHO KNEW?!

SEMI-RACIST FILM WITH DOGS!

NOT SURE WHY THIS EXISTS!

4CHAN THE MOVIE!

IT LOOKS LIKE THE MACHINE GIRL WITH A DUDE!

THIS SEEMS ABOUT RIGHT!

SHAKESPEARE IS AS REAL AS ASHLEY!

GONNA PASS!

SCHNEIDER GOTTA EAT!

NICE TRY!

I'M SENSING DADDY ISSUES FROM THE COVER!

Fascinating Beats #23 with Elaine, Michelle, Viet, & Levy's Cousin

2012-02-05T15:43:00.000-08:00

Breaking news! Levy's Cousin misses Tracy in this Super Bowl Half-Time Show subsitution edition of Fascinating Beats.

Spread the word, people, so that we may reunite these two lovely ladies in bed together.

ELAINE TRAN'S PICK

"Concrete Wall" by Zee Avi
Ghostbird (2011)
"Wonderful Sunday morning music."

MICHELLE "ITALIAN CHICK" DUCA'S PICK

"Eyes on Fire" (Zeds Dead remix) by Blue Foundation
The Sounds of Dubstep Worldwide (2011)

"It sounds really good."

VIET LE'S PICKS

"HiiiPoWeR" by Kendrick Lamar
Section.80 (2011)

"The future of Hip Hop. One of Dr. Dre's protégé."

"Oh Yeah!" by G-Dragon & T.O.P. feat. Park Bom
GD & TOP (2010)

"It's pretty catchy."

LEVY'S COUSIN'S PICK

"Mr. Brightside" (Jacques Lu Cont's Thin White Duke mix) by The Killers
NA (2005)

"The original is my friend Tracy's favorite song and whenever I hear the original I remember good tmes spent in SF with her and the college years. This remix is a good, tasteful combination of me and Tracy. LOL. hahaahahaha. Also, not too trancey...enjoyable to listen to without rolling. LOL."

MY PICKS

"Round Up" by Sam Spence
The Power & the Glory: The Original Music and Voices of NFL Films (1998)

When it comes to NFL and the Super Bowl, you can't help but play a little Sam Spence.

"Diet Mountain Dew" by Lana Del Rey
Born to Die (2012)

"Video Games" is still probably the best track off Del Rey's decent debut album, but how can any song go wrong with "Mountain Dew" in the title?

"Derezzed" (Avicci remix) by Daft Punk
Tron: Legacy Reconfigured (2011)

It's not that the track doesn't sound good, but, for a remix, it hardly sounds anything like the original. Avicci might as well have produced an entirely new song.

"Don't Mess Up My Baby" by Black Lips
Arabia Mountain (2011)

There's a fun, old-school energy to the song.

See if Viet Le blogs about whether or not he lost any money over the Super Bowl this year at The Studio Scholar. If you haven't been already, check out Levy's Cousin! You should also visit her Tumblr page at XT Dang. And thanks to our other two contributors for their picks on this Super Bowl God's Day.

Dear Comm Log: 2/2/2012

2012-02-05T14:21:00.000-08:00

From The Emporiyum in Titan Student Union at Cal State Fullerton:

Referring to a February 1st post by JS.

PORN: Crack's Slutty Cousin

2012-02-05T14:06:00.000-08:00

PIRATES II: STAGNETTI'S REVENGE (2008) was reviewed on this blog back in 2009, but this story seemed to slip right through the crack (no pun intended) and some of us missed this wonderful clip from CNN's Headline News.

To sum it up, Senator Andrew Harris threaten to strip the University of Maryland (no pun intended) of $424 million in public funding if the students went ahead and screened "the biggest adult production in history" on campus grounds. Since college students always need something to rally around when they run out of alcohol, the students went ahead and screened Pirates II on campus to exercise their First Amendment right. Washington Post has the article still up, if you want to read it. In the end, the demonstration, with some faculty support, proved successful as they discussed the porno afterwards and other campuses--including UCLA and UC Davis--screened the film without controversy and all was well. Mike Galanos, featured above in the Headline News clip, begs to differ.

Galanos did pretty well for a while until he went ballistic on Adella, a representative from Digital Playground, the studio who produced and released Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge, about five minutes into the video. Here are some of the highlights from the oral exchange between Mike, Adella, and Senator Harris (via phone):

"I love sex!" (Mike)
Comparison between porn and cigarettes, "It's addictive to college students, they want to get high on it, and they want to make money." (Harris)
Galanos quoting a university study, "Porn can be worse than crack." (Mike)
"If your wife tells you you can't do it, you're probably going to want to." (Adella)
"There are a lot of guys I know that can't watch it and some I know it's ruined their lives." (Mike)
"They can't handle it! It's addictive! It's worse than crack!" (Mike)
"How do you feel about sending our kids to war?" (Adella)
"I think your values are skewed when you can be proud of putting porn and jamming it down the throats of our kids and you know damn well they're going to get addicted to this and it's going to ruin lives." (Mike)
"You're welcome. I'm very proud." (Adella)

I'm not sure how Dr. Drew feels about the argument, but I'm pretty sure porn is only an excuse if relationships are ruined. There are biggest issues involved that's leading people to porn and affairs, so it's highly illogical to assume porn is screwing society (no pun intended). Galanos was also overstepping his bounds as a news anchor, if that's what you call them these days. That's not exactly broadcast journalism Mike was practicing, it was more of a verbal beat down on Adella that strayed away from the point, should porn be screened on campus? Digital Playground's rep wasn't doing herself any favors either when her biggest arguments were "Relax. It's just sex" and "Sending kids to war."

It is interesting to note, however, Mike's agressive stance against porn and how it degrades women because you get a sense he probably watches a lot of porn (the weird stuff, too). To be fair to the film, there are two versions of Pirates II, an X-rated version and a shorter R-rated version (sans all the hardcore fucking). While Pirates II is campy and not a particulary good movie, it's no more degrading to women than a Michael Bay film. One can even argue that a lot of Hollywood studio films are worse than Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge socially because films like the three Transformers, five Fast & Furious films, and over 20 James Bond films are selling sex and violence specifically to the PG-13 crowd. If Mike and Senator Harris are really worried about exposing kids to sex, it's already too late. Cough-TEEN MOM--Cough.

On a side note, here's an amusing interview with the lovely Asa Akira on Kassem G's Going Deep with Kassem G. He not only tells Asa how her eyebrows make him hungry for McDonalds ("Those are some serious arches"), Kassem G. asks her if other pornstars cheat off her HIV test because she's Asian? I think we all know the answer to that...yes.

Dear Comm Log: 2/1/2012

2012-02-04T13:20:00.000-08:00

From The Emporiyum in Titan Student Union at Cal State Fullerton:

Dear Comm Log: 1/31/2012

2012-02-04T13:18:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

BN commenting on Ashley's signature: "Who's 'Ushley Rage?"

Dear Comm Log: 1/30/2012

2012-02-04T13:14:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

We May Need a Long-Form Birth Certificate

2012-02-03T16:47:00.000-08:00

One of these days I'm finally going to meet Ashley Schmitt and I'm sure my mind will be thoroughly blown--not in a good way and not because she looks like this and digs Asians:

Well, that's partially the reason why I want to meet her, but that's beside the point. I'm surprised I never thought of this before until I watched Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman's questionable documentary Catfish (2010), but I'm almost certain now that Ashley doesn't exist; she's not a real person. Sure, Ashley may be friends with The Incredible Jennifer Le (who's too good to be true) but Le's clearly part of some elaborate female conspiracy because girls just like to fuck with the hearts and minds of men. If you haven't seen Catfish and you're adverse to spoilers, I'm going to tell you what happens at the end for the purposes of making a point. So you might want to skip the next paragraph.

In Catfish, Nev, a photographer, befriends an eight year old, Abby, on Facebook because Abby is some sort of child prodigy painting Nev's photography. Nev becomes pen pals with Abby's family, exchanging photographs and paintings, and that Facebook network of friends eventually grows to include Abby's attractive older sister Megan, a model/singer/artist. Nev and Megan flirt for several months and the dude gets sprung over her until Nev realizes Megan and Abby's exploits on Facebook (the singing and art galleries) are all fake. Towards the end, Nev and his brother decide to stop by Megan and Abby's houses after their business trip to confront the lies to learn that there are only more lies. There is an Abby and a Megan, but Abby doesn't paint nor has she seen Megan in years. So, who has Nev been flirting with all this time? NEV'S BEEN FLIRTING WITH ABBY'S MIDDLE AGE MOM!!!!

With this in mind, one can't help but question Ashley's existance. She's a model, an aspiring actress, a writer, and sang back-up vocals for Guardians of Romeo. Homegirl's also really into Vietnamese culture; she's essentially the future trophy wife of one out of millions of future Vietnamese doctors, pharmacists, and/or engineers. I don't know about you, but I'm sold; she's amazing! Then, back in December 2011, Ashley asked me to burn her some music albums in exchange for lunch so we can finally meet after being Facebook friends for months. Naturally, I agreed because 1) I'm a sucker for attactive girls and 2) I don't mind burning music for family, friends, and even strangers if they have the full intention of collecting it (because I don't want to make something and have it taking up my space for months).

December goes by, nothing. January goes by, nothing. We're now in early Febrary and I'm writing this post. To be fair, we did try to get together for a friendly lunch, but our schedules were not obliging. Then yesterday, my lovely imaginary friend tested me again by posting on my Facebook page, "free today at all? ♥"

I'm not big on replying to personal messages on my Facebook page, so I text messaged Ashley and got no response. Later, I commented on Ashley's post on my page, "I text messaged you, but I'm under the impression you respond to Facebook messages faster." I got nothing. At this point, I'm convinced that Ashley only exists on the internet to test the hearts and minds of men. She's not real and if she is, Ashley is a middle age woman with multiple personalities. I'm hoping I'm wrong, though, because I really do want to meet her and prove whether or not Ashley is a resident of Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.

For more of Ashley, and to support her career, visit Explore Talent and spread the good word so that we may one day smoke her out into the public light to debunk such rumors and prove that she does in fact exist in flesh and blood.

Dear Comm Log: 1/26/2012

2012-02-03T13:32:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

BN replied to BN(2): "That customer must see dead people. And yes, this is 'BN' commenting on 'BN's entry."

Dear Comm Log: 1/25/2012

2012-02-03T13:25:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

From The Emporiyum in Titan Student Union at Cal State Fullerton:

JS replied to Daniel Z.'s post and signature: "Who is this? And what is your comment about?"
BN replied JS: "Daniel Z. has 99 problems and a bitch is one."

Angsty Teens With Super Powers. It Sounds Like Star Trek to Me!

2012-02-03T11:12:00.000-08:00

Madonna directed a movie. I'm not sure what else to say about it, but W.E. is out in limited release this weekend. Also out in limited release this weekend: the horror film THE INNKEEPERS, KILL LIST, and Obi Wan and the beautiful Eva Green are losing their senses in the sci-fi drama PERFECT SENSE.

BIGGEST RELEASES OF THE WEEKEND:

BIG MIRACLE

A bunch of people try to save the whales. Good luck doing that without a Klingon Bird of Prey. I would have been sold on the film for Kirsten Bell alone, but I started having second guesses with Drew Barrymore in the cast.

THE WOMAN IN BLACK

I'm getting the sense that people like to see Daniel Radcliffe in supernatural peril. Having gone from the dangers of You-Know-Who at Hogwarts, shit goes down for Radcliffe in another creepy old house.

CHRONICLE

I'm sure this sci-fi thriller about teens with super powers in the found footage aesthetic will please its target demo of teenagers to 25, but it's Super Bowl weekend. How many of these people are going to go watch a found footage film on Super Bowl weekend when parties are bound to happen? Plus, it just reminds me of "Charlie X," an episode from Star Trek: The Original Series.

People Got Stuff on DVD Covers!

2012-01-31T06:50:00.000-08:00

FLATCULENCE?!

IT LOOKS LIKE A PAINTING!

IT'S SORT OF A REMAKE/PREQUEL!

TIMBERLAKE'S GOT A GUN!

MORE LIKE BAD DREAM HOUSE!

KITANO'S GOT A GUN!

GOSLING'S GOT A HAMMER!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS!

TOPHER GRACE'S GOT A GUN!

YELCHIN'S GOT A BOTTLE!

Guy Pearce is the Snake Plissken of Space

2012-01-29T15:13:00.000-08:00

Nic Cage wants justice in this Trailer Dump.

BREAK trailer. Stephen Dorff is in a box!

JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND second trailer. We need more Vanessa Hudgens.

LOCKOUT trailer. Maggie Grace trapped in a space prison. For a moment, I thought Liam Neeson, not Guy Pearce, would be called in to get her back.

MIRROR MIRROR international trailer. I shall pass.

SEEKING JUSTICE trailer. Guy Pearce is in this one, too.

UNDEFEATED trailer. It's like Varsity Blues...except it's a documentary, filled with black people, and minus the sex.

THE HUNTER feature trailer. Dafoe hunts extinct animals because it pays the bills.

Lauren Sivan Making People Late in the Morning

2012-01-28T21:56:00.000-08:00

Lauren Sivan fills the attractive correspondent void for KTTV FOX 11 morning news. Of course, there'll always be a place in our hearts for Suzanne Marques, but there's no reason why these two can't share the same ~~bed~~ spotlight. I liked Lauren the first few times I saw her on television, but this clip (specifically two minutes in) endeared me.

Apparently, Lauren used to be on KTLA, but now does the morning shift on KTTV's early morning news and Good Day LA. Some of these segments seem ridiculous, and I'm sure she never imagined she'd have to do any of it, but it pays the bills and she's got the support of her fans behind her. It's only a matter of time before she makes anchor or leaves for another station like Suzanne. Either way, let's all wish her career all the best this year! Now, let's watch her do yoga in this episode of YouTube's Yoga The News.

I guess this just takes clips of people doing yoga with someone reading the news. Good going, internet!

Dear Comm Log: 1/24/2012

2012-01-27T17:59:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

Dear Comm Log: 1/23/2012

2012-01-27T17:26:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

Response to Daniel Z. by BN: "He's just jealous because Miley didn't bring the party to the Middle East."

Dear Comm Log: 1/19/2012

2012-01-27T17:14:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

Referring to a post by Brian N. (the other BN) from January 17th.

Dear Comm Log: 1/17 & 1/18/2012

2012-01-27T17:02:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

Monica is referencing the sweater from the January 9th Brief Stop Comm Log post.

From The Emporiyum in Titan Student Union at Cal State Fullerton:

CJ has a T-shirt line, Krooked Krown, which you can purchase shirts online.

Liam Neeson Brings the Pain

2012-01-27T14:09:00.000-08:00

If you're interested in seeing Glenn Close as a woman playing a woman pretending to be a man, then you're in luck. Her recent Academy Award nominated performance in ALBERT NOBBS is in limited release. Also part of the Oscar push is Alexander Payne's THE DESCENDENTS, starring George Clooney, which expands to close to 2,000 theatres. There's also DECLARATION OF WAR and THE WICKER TREE (which has some sort of connection with the original The Wicker Man film, not the remake starring Nic Cage).

BIGGEST RELEASES OF THE WEEKEND:

ONE FOR THE MONEY

Katherine Heigl as a bounty hunter. I shall pass. Moving on.

MAN ON A LEDGE

Sam Worthington is a Man on a Ledge! Sadly, this isn't some B-movie because then there would have been the chance that the film would look entertaining.

THE GREY

Liam Neeson is a bad ass. That is all.

Will I Never Use These Gift Cards?!

2012-01-24T13:58:00.000-08:00

TIME TRAVEL...I'M SOLD!

AW YEAH! ANNA kENDRICK AND BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD!

I THINK SOMEONE DIES!

THEY ACTUALLY MAKE A SEX TAPE IN THIS ONE!

THIS LOOKS LIKE A LIFETIME TV MOVIE!

NEXT FOR HUGH JACKMAN SHOULD BE HUNGRY, HUNGRY HIPPOS THE MOVIE!

RACHEL WEISZ IS ON THE CASE!

KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

Lookin' Good, Ada Wong!

2012-01-22T16:52:00.000-08:00

This weekend's Trailer Dump features Keanu in a new documentary, but it's not about his Sad Keanu meme.

JEFF WHO LIVES AT HOME trailer. I guess it looks funny.

RESIDENT EVIL: RETRIBUTION teaser trailer. I'm not even sure what these movies are about anymore, but the Tron: Legacy score goes pretty well with this trailer.

SASSY PANTS trailer. Haley Joel Osment's best film days seem to be behind him.

SIDE BY SIDE trailer. Has digital video killed film? Keanu gets to the bottom of the debate with some of today's leading filmmakers. Thank you, Keanu!

THE FORGIVENESS OF BLOOD trailer. I hope you like subtitles!

THE WOMAN IN THE FIFTH trailer. Shit gets real for Ethan Hawke.

DETATCHMENT trailer. Adrien Brody's nose looks pretty good in this drama.

ALTER EGOS trailer. It looks like Hawk and Dove got their own movie.

FDR: AMERICAN BADASS! red band trailer. Don't fuck with FDR!

GHOST SCHOOL 3D (Bóng Ma Học Đường)Vietnamese trailer. Vietnamese "model" Elly Tran (yes please!) tries her luck with acting. At least she looks good.

BONUS ROUND!

Not only is there a fifth film coming out, RESIDENT EVIL 6 will be coming your way for X Box 360 and PS3. Both Leon S. Kennedy and Chris Redfield will in the game and I'm not sure if that's the president's daughter or Sherry.

Dear Comm Log: 1/12/2012

2012-01-20T21:59:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

Does anybody else sense a hint of racism here?

Dear Comm Log: 1/11/2012

2012-01-20T21:55:00.000-08:00

From The Emporiyum in Titan Student Union at Cal State Fullerton:

Beckinsale and Carano: Yes Please!

2012-01-20T13:53:00.000-08:00

Voldemort's back and directing a Shakespeare adaptation. Ralph Finnes stars and helms CORIOLANUS. Meanwhile, THE FLOWERS OF WAR, THE ARTIST, and EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE expand to more theaters for their Oscar push.

BIGGEST RELEASES OF THE WEEKEND:

HAYWIRE

I'll watch anything with Gina Carano--when it's on my TV, of course.

RED TAILS

Of course, Cuba Gooding Jr. would be in this movie.

UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING

Kate Beckinsale returns to the Underworld franchise. Everything is right with the world again.

Not Much Going On!

2012-01-17T18:47:00.000-08:00

THE SHARKBOY ULTIMATUM!

CLOONEY WAS PRESIDENT IN SPY KIDS 3!

I DIDN'T KNOW TONY DUNGY WAS A FILM CRITIC!

GOOD LUCK!

FASCINATING BEATS #22 with 3 January Birthday Girls!

2012-01-16T13:01:00.000-08:00

January birthdays run wild in this Fascinating Beats!

SHARON "BIRTHDAY GIRL" LEE'S PICK

"Tooken Back" by Wu-Tang Clan & Jimi Hendrix
Tom Caruana Presents: Wu-Tang Clan & Jimi Hendrix - Black Gold (2011)

"A mix of two great artists."

MONICA TAM'S PICK

"One Thing" by One Direction
Up All Night (2011)

"Ahhh Zayn and Liam. I freakin love this song and One Direction." I'm pretty sure that one thing is sex and those boys are getting a lot of it.

LEVY'S COUSIN'S PICKS

"Girlfriend" (Neptunes remix) by N'Sync feat. Nelly
Celebrity (2001)

"I'm going back to the early 2000s..."

"Let Me Blow Ya Mind" by Eve feat. Gwen Stefani
Scorpion (2001)
"...Both are good beats, catchy, well done in the music videos. These two songs, I can't get tired of." With all of those white people in the N'Sync video, I imagine at least one of them (cough-Joey-cough) asking, "Who brought the black guy?" Oh, right. Timberlake, did.

MY PICKS

"Holiday" (Madonna cover) by Capital Cities
NA (2012)
This seems somewhat fitting considering today is a holiday--Martin Luther King Jr. Day. If you're not a big Madonna fan, you can now listen to her song minus the Material Girl. Plot a course to the band's Tumblr page for a free download.

"Bedroom Eyes" by Dum Dum Girls
Only in Dreams (2011)

I need Levy's Cousin's bedroom eyes.

"Nature Feels" by Frank Ocean
Nostalgia, Ultra (2011)
See previous pick's comment.

All three ladies have more in common than just January birthdays. They're all also available and have Tumblr pages. ~~Stalk~~ Visit Sharon on Tumblr at Make Life Delicious. You can also plot a course to Tumblr's second favorite daughter, Monica Tam, at A Girl With Random Thoughts, and Tumblr's number one (and ours), Levy's Cousin at XT Dang.

And once more, happy birthday to Tam (1/11), Lee (1/16), and L'sC (1/28). May you get none of what you ask for and gain everything that you work for (or some shit like that). If you want to ship L'sC's birthday gift to her, E-mail me privately and we'll arrange a birthday surprise for her!

There's Quite a Bit of Mommy Issues Going On

2012-01-15T15:59:00.000-08:00

The Trailer Dump has a little bitch face action going on.

CASA DE MI PADRE another trailer. Oh, the passion and drama!

FINDING NEMO 3D re-release trailer. Yes. This is happening.

FRIENDS WITH KIDS trailer. Megan Fox is working again.

GIRL IN PROGRESS trailer. Eva Mendes, yes please!

LOL international trailer. Hannah Montana sure likes to party.

MOONRISE KINGDOM trailer. In case you couldn't tell, Wes Anderson has a new movie.

ON THE ICE trailer. More like below the ice...since he fell in.

THE FRONT LINE trailer. I guess it's sort of like Korean 300.

THE LADY trailer. Don't fuck with Michelle Yeoh!

WEST OF MEMPHIS trailer. This is a pretty long trailer for a documentary.

HEY! POSTERS!

When Will Marky Mark and Dolly Parton Make a Movie Together?!

2012-01-14T21:24:00.000-08:00

THE IRON LADY continues to expand into more theaters this weekend in its bid for awards season. Also out this weekend, THE DIVIDE, SING YOUR SONG, and WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN.

BIGGEST RELEASES OF THE WEEKEND:

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST in THE THIRD DIMENSION

This was before Disney relied on Pixar.

JOYFUL NOISE

I like Queen Latifah. I like Dolly Parton. I'm sure someone thought the mixture of both stars in a film would be like combining chocolate and peanut butter, but nope. I shall pass on this one.

CONTRABAND

I'm sure it'll be as hilarious as some of Marky Mark's other dramatic action films like Shooter and Four Brothers. Plus, it's got Kate Beckinsale. How can you go wrong with Kate Beckinsale?

Dear Comm Log: 1/10/2012

2012-01-14T16:05:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorff Hall at Cal State Fullerton:

TOP/BOTTOM: S&P Downgrades This Blog!

2012-01-14T15:59:00.000-08:00

TOP TWO FILMS

TABLOID (2010)
Had I not seen this documentary, I wouldn't have heard of Joyce McKinney. Award winning film maker Errol Morris turns his camera on McKinney, a former Miss Wyoming, who made tabloid headlines in the '70s for allegedly kidnapping her brainwashed boyfriend, who she found at an English Mormon missionary, for three days of what she described as being filled with "fun, food, and sex" to bring back the man she loves.

With great production value and a sense of humor, Morris interviews McKinney, two journalists who reported the original story, and a few others connected to McKinney to compile a bizarre retelling of what may or may not have actually happened. Tabloid is hilarious, fascinating, and captivating in a train-wreck sort of way. Just when you think the details of the story can't possibly get more ridiculous, it does. It's a great character portrait of a woman who is, at times, sympathetic, eccentric, and manipulative; a perfect subject for a tabloid.

Grade: A-

MIDNIGHT IN PARIS (2011)

Woody Allen's latest film could have been a handjob to nostalgia, but my compliments to Allen who knows better. Owen Wilson stars as Gil, a writer at a crossroads in life who finds the inspiration he needs in Paris. Rachel McAdams and Marion Cotillard (both, yes please!) co-star.

Most people might find Gil's situation relatable. Unsure of himself as a writer, unhappy in his relationship, and full of regret of a life that could have been, Gil fashions himself as a man born in the wrong era and has romantic ideas about living in Paris during the 1920s. It almost sounds like Gill needs to join Jack, Hurley, and the others on The Island so he can learn to let go of the past and move on, but, apparently, Gil is more than capable of accomplishing that on his own.

The film has a clear message of embracing life in the present and nice, understated performances from its large, talented cast. While it's not laugh-out-loud funny or romantic in a cheesey, eye-roll-inducing Tumblr sort of way, Midnight in Paris manages to be fun and lovely to watch. Although, I could just be describing McAdams in general, even though she was glorioiusly bitching it up as Gil's fiancee.
Grade: B

BOTTOM TWO FILMS

THE HUMAN CENTIPEDE 2: FULL SEQUENCE (2011)

Tom Six's first Human Centipede garnered a dangerous reputation. Where does a sequel to a horror film go after the original attached three people together mouth-to-anus? In Six's defense, The Human Centipede wasn't nearly as graphic as you'd expect it to be compared to several of the Saw sequels and Hostel films; it was much more suggestive and the thought of a human centipede was just hilarious because it's so outrageously disturbing. The same can't be said for The Human Centipede 2, however, which is an exercise in depravity.

Inspired by the events in The Human Centipede, Martin (Laurence R. Harvey) decides to abduct ten people and crudely construct his own human centipede using household tools and footage from the film. In a piece of meta-storytelling, Martin even goes as far to call the agents of the three stars in the original film to come down and audition for a non-existant Tarantino film so he can kidnap them, too.

At some point, there's a message to be had here about movie violence and its imitation by fans, but it's never exactly clear. There's a lot of graphic violience, blood, and fecal splatter in this pretty well shot monochrome film. There's just nothing and no one to latch on to and cheer for. The Human Centipede 2 is tedious to watch with a few wildly fucked up things to make you laugh in disbelief and a take-it-or-leave-it ending.

Grade: C-

SPY KIDS: ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD (2011)

Jessica Alba and Alexa Vega, looking good in this fourth installment in the Spy Kids films. If you like Jeremy Piven, there's, well, a lot of him, too.
Alba plays Marrissa, retired spy and stepmom to Rebecca (Rowand Blanchard) and Cecil (Mason Cook). As with the other films, "All the Time in the World" deals with a broken family forced together when some A-hole threatens the world. This time, Rebecca and Cecil take on the mantle of the Spy Kids as they help their stepmom stop the villain from controlling time, or something like that. It's not a very memorable film.

While it's not exactly good, it's commendable of Robert Rodriguez to make a film like this. It's sort of fun to watch, even if it doesn't make sense half of the time, but the kids in this one are a little more whinier than in the original trilogy.

Grade: C

TOP HONORABLE MENTION: 50/50 (2011) - Anna Kendrick shows some cleavage to Gordon-Levitt at the end, so you know they're going to do it. If I were a girl, I'd probably show him some sideboob. [ B ]

BOTTOM HONORABLE MENTION: COLOMBIANA (2011) - Zoe Saldana's bones look great in an action film that's as good as you'd expect by a dude named Megaton. [ C ]

Dear Comm Log: 1/09/2012

2012-01-11T20:00:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall, Cal State Fullerton:

"Ex-Tended Edition." I See What They Did There!

2012-01-11T19:55:00.000-08:00

CLIVE OWEN'S MUSTACHE IS GONNA FUCK SOME PEOPLE UP!

AW YEAH! ANNA FARIS!

GODARD IS STILL ALIVE?!

BILLY ZANE GOTTA EAT!

I'M NOT SURE IF THERE ARE IN FACT DRAGONS!

I ASSUMED IT WAS A MOVIE ABOUT FIGHTING WITH WADS OF $100 BILLS!

PROHIBITION!

DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!

HISTORICAL DRAMA!

AW YEAH! VERA FARMIGA!

Dear Comm Log: 1/03/2012

2012-01-11T19:39:00.000-08:00

From The Brief Stop in Langsdorf Hall, Cal State Fullerton:

Vulcan Pinch Like a Bad Ass

2012-01-09T21:16:00.000-08:00

Monica Tam thinks you're beautiful. Wait, she might know you're beautiful and she's got a sign to prove it.

Honestly, unless it's a president's birth certificate, who's going to argue with the legitimacy of a hand-written piece of paper? The "inspirational" photo was posted on Monica's Tumblr page, A Girl with Random Thoughts. Feel free to browse her page for some sense of hope. Homegirl also posted it on her Facebook page where a mutual coworker commented: "That sign is begging to be photoshopped."

Done. Take us out of orbit, number one. Warp factor two...engage!

Happy Birthday...KABOOM!!!

2012-01-08T15:22:00.000-08:00

I shall pass, if not rent, these movies in this Trailer Dump.

ATM trailer. Not a porno!

MASS DESTRUCTION trailer. It's a "web of intrigue!"

THE SILENT HOUSE trailer. The Chosen Olsen is movin' up!

THIN ICE trailer. I want to call it a "comedy"?

TIM AND ERIC'S BILLION DOLLAR MOVIE trailer. It'll find a good home on afternoon cable television.

RETURN trailer. ...To therapy.

SALMON FISHING IN THE YEMEN international trailer. Aww yeah! Emily Blunt!

ALL THINGS FALL APART trailer. 50 Cent survives cancer!

HEY! POSTERS!

Willy Sony Save THE GIRL WITH THE MACBOOK?!

2012-01-06T18:51:00.000-08:00

For a moment, while the Columbia Pictures logo was up, I read "A Sony Pictures Entertainment Company" at the bottom and feared all the Apple products would be stripped from director David Fincher's THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO (also known as The Girl with the Macbook). Academy Award winning writer Steven Zaillian pens this adaptation based on Stieg Larrsson's trilogy of novels, which first spawned a Swedish film trilogy in 2009. Fortunately, nothing comes between a girl and her Mac.
The 2011 adaptation follows the plot from the novel and the 2009 film's basic narrative structure pretty closely. A disgraced journalist, Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig), agrees to investigate the 30+ year old disppearance of a wealthy Swedish man's 15 year old niece in exchange for hard evidence against the crooked businessman who successfully sued Blomkvist for libel. Rooney Mara's bones co-stars as the girl with the Macbook, Lisbeth Salander, a bi-sexual hacker who apparently needs a man.

For those who have seen the Swedish original, the differences in Fincher's film are slightly noticable. The investigation moves along much quicker and it changes up when and who discovers clues. The main difference, however, seems to be the focus of the film. The 2009 version contained a much clearer sense of the Swedish social underbelly and Lisbeth's aggression towards men, but Zaillian's take on the material does away with a good portion of that and rebrands Lisbeth as less of a violent outcast who's against men who hate women and more of a wild child who needs someone to connect to. It's not a bad change, but it does lessen Lisbeth's edge regardless of how much sex and violence there is in the film. Mara does a good job with the character, but she comes off more fragile at times and dependant than how Noomi Rapace portrayed the Lisbeth.

There is a noticeable upgrade here and that's the look and style of the film under Fincher's direction. It's one of the perks of getting the Hollywood treatment with a bigger budget, high-profile names, and Fincher even managed to collaborate with Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross again for the film's soundtrack. The Girl with the Macbook runs 158 minutes long, but has a straight-to-the-point quality through its narrative and editing, even if it does drag on towards the end. Fincher, however, doesn't sacrifice any of the tension and shows it all on screen through looks and glances, which Mara pulls off well with her facial expressions. That seem to fall in line with the general idea of nasty things being kept hidden behind a polished surface. It's certainly true for all of the characters, but that as a social or political allegory to Swedish society (as Larrsson intended in his novels) takes a backseat. Now, if only they had done more with the film's daddy issues then we'd have a real movie!

Grade: B+

What's Up With These Porn Titles?

2012-01-06T12:44:00.000-08:00

Aside from the foreign film NORWEGIAN WOOD, which is in something like two theaters this weekend, I am not familiar with any of these new limited releases. Dennis Quaid in BENEATH THE DARKNESS. Nope. LOOSIES. Nope. ROADIE. Nope.

BIGGEST RELEASE OF THE WEEKEND:

THE DEVIL INSIDE

Much like Norwegian Wood, Loosies, and Roadie, this horror film also has the title of a porno.

There are Spirits in That House!

2012-01-05T19:07:00.000-08:00

...WITH DRUGS!

BUT IT'S DAY ON THE COVER!

DOGPLOITATION!

PALTROW DIES IN THIS ONE!

CAPTAIN AMERICA, ATTORNEY AT LAW!

OLYPHANTASTIC!

IT'S LIKE AN EARTHQUAKE, BUT ON ICE!!

LOOKIN' GOOD, WINSLET!

I DON'T REMEMBER THIS HAPPENING!

GUY PEARCE IS IN THIS TOO?!

New Year Fun with Mass Text Messaging!

2012-01-01T19:37:00.000-08:00

Christmas, New Years, and pretty much every other holiday or birthday. It's the season for mass text messages! So I thought it'd be fun to send out a mass text message to a group of people with a specific person's name in the message. I wrote "Happy new year, Jennifer Le!" and sent it to a bunch of people on my contacts list except to The Incredible Jennifer Le. I'm pretty certain all of those people, of course, know or are friends with her.

While adding in all the recipients, I could only imagine some of the reactions and responses. I also thought it would be interesting to see if anyone would contact The Incredible Jennifer Le about it or be so kind as to forward my message to her. I gave Le a heads up by writing to her, "I think my message to you got lost along the way. Hopefully someone will forward it to you."

The Incredible Jennifer Le responded by sending, "Resend pls!" As of the moment of this post, I don't think anyone has forwarded my message to Jennifer, but here are the responses I've gotten in the past hour from the 17 people I messaged:

STEVE LE
"??"
LEVY TRAN
"OMGOSH! I'm Levy!
"Lol* happy new year jerk! Lol"
"Lpl"
HUY VO
"Wrong number, bro."
TIFFANY TRAN
It's Tiffany tran"
TUAN VO
" "
"The fuk"
ANTHONY TRAN
"B??"
VIET LE
"???"

LEVY'S COUSIN
"What?!"
"Jennifer Le? I Hope that is a purpose joke."
QUYNH NGUYEN
"Really? You are kinda douchy..."

It's safe to say at this point that no one forwarded my message to The Incredible Jennifer Le and everyone else saw my name on their mobile phone and ignored my text message. Either way, Happy New Year, __________ __________! I hope 2012 will be equally or less shitty than your previous year.

Don't forget to follow The Incredible Jennifer Le's stories for the OC Register and OrangeCounty.com, or vice versa (they're all one big happy family there).

UPDATED!

HOLLY NOPHAENKHAM
"Aww you too Steve"

I think we have a winner and her name is Holly.

Fancy New Image for Trailers!

2012-01-01T17:44:00.000-08:00

Some fairly new trailers for a fairly new year.

THE DEVIL INSIDE red-band trailer. This lady has four inside of her. Demons, that is.

ANY QUESTIONS FOR BEN? trailer. I'm not sure I know what's going on.

BAD ASS trailer. Danny Trejo is bringing back the fanny pack!

PROMETHEUS teaser trailer. Shit just got real.

THE HOBBIT teaser trailer. Prepare for more walking!

THE IMPOSSIBLE international trailer. Save the younglings, Obi-Wan!

No Time for New Movies on New Years

2011-12-31T16:17:00.000-08:00

It's a quiet weekend at the movies on the count of it being New Years weekend. All the big holiday movies are out now or expanding to more theaters. What is new in theaters this weekend, though, are Meryl Streep in THE IRON LADY, the drama PARIAH, and the Iranian drama A SEPARATION. All of these are in very limited releases.

Now You Can Watch Every Shameless Upskirt from Jersey Shore!

2011-12-27T13:06:00.000-08:00

IS THIS NOT IN THE THIRD DIMENSION?!

DOLPH MUST BREAK YOU!

OLD AND CLASSY...ONLY ONE OF THOSE APPLY TO THIS SEASON!

THERE WILL BE BLOOD!

ONE OF THE FUNNIEST SHOWS I'M NOT WATCHING!

IT'S GOT BOOBS!

THAT REASON MUST BE DECPTICONS!

I'M GUESSING IT'S AMITYVILLE HORROR + PARANORMAL ACTIVITY!

FASCINATING BEATS #21 with Sharon, Viet, and Levy's Cousin!

2011-12-25T18:21:00.000-08:00

Levy's Cousin makes it official in this Christmas edition of Fascinating Beats. "Sex music is back!" Clearly, it's going to be a very merry Christmas and a sexually exhausting New Year.

SHARON LEE'S PICK

"How I Got Over" by The Roots feat. Dice Raw
How I Got Over (2010)

"It's a good song to drive to."

VIET LE'S PICK

"Rest in Piss" by Brotha Lynch Hung
Season of da Siccness (1995)

"[It] makes me wanna rag up and go bang."

LEVY'S COUSIN'S PICK

"Alone" by Tennishero feat. Chelonis R. Jones
Alone - Single (2006)

"It's very clean beats and the vocals fit very well in it. Very mesmorizing, refreshing, calming. This is the kind of music I need to listen without getting bored."

"D.D." (Michael Jackson cover) by The Weeknd
Echoes of Silence (2011)

"It's good get-in-the-mood sex music. If you don't have a present for the GF, play 'D.D.' and light up the candles. LOL" --I told Levy's Cousin that the last time I played Weeknd at work, customers were giving each other looks like it was odd to hear sex music in a store. She replied by writing, "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yea, in public! LOL. But not behind closed doors." A million gold stars for Levy's Cousin!

MY PICKS

"The Real Her" by Drake feat. Lil Wayne and Andre 3000
Take Care (2011)

Even though I'm not a big fan of Wheel Chair Jimmy's music, and the bass might be taking away from the vocals, this song's pretty good when I'm not busy laughing at some of the lyrics. And yes, "Bitch got the rabies."

"I Wish I Knew" by Blue Mitchell
Blue's Moods (1960)

We could probably use some actual jazz in this post for once.

"Fade Into You" by Mazzy Star
So Tonight That I Might See (1993)

Between the melody and Hope Sandoval's vocals, the song sets certain mood that makes it difficult to not give the song your full attention.

Apparently, everybody's got a blog! Check out Sharon's delicious travels at her Tumblr page, Make. Life Delicious., Viet Le is bound to update soon at The Studio Scholar, and make every day a Christmas day with the gift that keeps on giving, Levy's Cousin's Tumblr page XT Dang.

War Horse Wasn't Made By Iron Man

2011-12-25T17:06:00.000-08:00

Falling behind schedule. I'm blaming the holidays. So what's new this weekend? Tom Hanks stars and daddy issues are to be had in EXTREMELY LOUD AND CLOSE, Angelina Jolie directs her first film with IN THE LAND OF BLOOD AND HONEY, there's the foreign film DON 2, Batman helps rescue schoolgirls in 1937 Nanjing in THE FLOWERS OF WAR, and Glenn Close is the woman playing a man playing a woman in ALBERT NOBBS.
BIGGEST RELEASES OF THE WEEKEND:

THE DARKEST HOUR

I like Speed Racer and Olivia Thirlby. I guess that's a good enough reason to rent this. The two of them and a band of survivors are fighting some sort of energy monster!!!

WAR HORSE

Spielberg helms this war movie about a horse, or some shit like that.

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

If you haven't seen the Swedish originals, Fincher and Co. bring you the American version of the best-selling trilogy of novels. You might want to leave the kids at home because there's some serious men hating women action going on.

THE ADVENTURES OF TIN TIN

It looks like Indiana Jones, but with a little kid who's computer generated.

WE BOUGHT A ZOO

Bourne buys a zoo because Cameron Crowe demands it.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - GHOST PROTOCOL

After its Imax-only release last weekend, Tom Cruise and his homies head off on another impossible mission. Brad Bird is the director, his first live-action feature after a string of Pixar successes, and this fourth film in the franchise is getting the best reviews in the series.

FASCINATING BEATS #20 with Mighty Alfonso and Levy's Cousin!

2011-12-21T13:11:00.000-08:00

Nobody puts Fascinating Beats in the corner!

THE MIGHTY ALFONSO'S PICKS

"Burger Dance" (international mix) by DJ Ötzi
Fly to the Sky (2003)

"DJ Ötzi's song fits perfectly in this clever parody of product placement, most of which was edited by the director himself in this Animated Music Video. The lip syncing works well, and so do the subliminal messages. Official finalist for the Anime Expo Anime Music Video Awards."

"Spirit Never Dies" by Masterplan
Masterplan (2003)

"Masterplan's 'Spirit Never Dies' is taken to the next level with this masterpiece. The editor of this video really really did a great job on this one. This AMV takes you into a journey of some of the newest and most well-known characters for the digital generation. I only wish he/she included more of the classics. This AMV, however, stays as an internet classic of the 21st century."

"Ayu's Euro Mega-Mix" (Y & Co. mix) by Ayumi Hamasaki
LOVEppears (1999)
"Youtube user Kickintheheadcomic made use a Euro mix of Asia's top honored international Pop Star Ayumi Hamasaki placing it quite well on a visual mix of Anime openings. Seriously, how many Anime opening credits must you watch to recognize a pattern of symbolism in so many genres? Comedy, Action, Horror, Only on Video, Classics, etc... this video could probably serve as a survey of Anime studies."

LEVY'S COUSIN'S PICK

"She Said It's Ok" by Blu & Exile
Give Me Flowers While I Can Still Smell Them (2011)
"Ever since below the heavens, I've been waiting for them to get back together to make more beautiful music and it's just as good as their last album. It's just perfect for the holidays, a peaceful night in to relax, and just to feel good. Mmm. Love it and will be on repeat for awhile. So expect more songs of the week from it by me."

MY PICKS

"Yes" by Nujabes feat. Pase Rock
Spiritual State (2011)

This is either the last album by Nujabes or he's returned from the grave as Zomjabes. Either way, the track runs a bit long, but it's a good beat and Pase's lyrics are pretty good.

"Hands" by M-Flo
Planet Shining (2000)

The Asian guy rapping in this former trio is kept a minimal on this track, and that's a good thing.

"Love Will Save Your Soul" by Grouplove
Never Trust a Happy Song (2011)

Maybe they're right, love will save your soul. Nah, fuck it. It's just a song.

"Can't Stop Me Now" by Pretty Lights
Passing by Behind Your Eyes (2009)

I played this song at work and some petite Asian girl started dancing in the store because, I'm assuming, that's what petite Asian girls do.

You don't contact The Mighty Alfonso. The Mighty Alfonso contacts you! As for our trusted contributor and all-around agreeable girl, Levy's Cousin, who wouldn't want to be in contact with her (if you know what I mean)? I'm not even sure where I'm going with that, but you should go to Levy's Cousin's Tumblr, XT Dang, or you'll be on her naughty list. Now that part was meant to be sexual.

There's No Way to Be Lost While Watching SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS!

2011-12-21T11:44:00.000-08:00

Much like the first film, Guy Ritchie sure likes to over-explain things in SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS (2011). Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law return as the great detective and his doctor companion. Jared Harris co-stars as Holmes' archnemesis, Professor Moriarty.

This sequel continues on from the first film with Holmes (Downey Jr.) connecting all the conspiracy threads that link Moriarty to recent crimes, disappearences, and business ventures. Holmes forcefully cancels Watson's (Law) honeymoon by saving both the bride and groom from Moriarty's retaliation against Holmes and recruits Watson to stop Moriarty's plans, which involves the brother of a gypsy woman (played by Noomi Rapace) and the possible rewriting of World War I.

The chemisty between RDJ and Law is still strong and it's difficult to tire of the two on screen together, but the material is wearing thin. Harris is great playing the villain to RDJ's Holmes; the two have some great exchanges in the film, as super geniuses do. Ritchie's use of voice overs and intercutting between what's about to happen and the present worked best for the Holmes and Moriarty scenes. Rapace, who's really good in the original Sweedish version of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, is wasted as Madam Simza Heron; she basically is just tagging along to find her missing brother and offers little to the plot or Holmes' character.

Sherlock continues to struggle with loneliness and the need for companionship as his closest friend and collegue finally gets married. "A Game of Shadows" may be borrowing a lot from the first film, but there wasn't much from the first film to take. Ritchie cranks up the use of slow motion, which is effective a few times, but there's nothing new about this sequel nor Holmes in this stage of his life. The film does a poor job of recycling the first film and doesn't even try to explore new things about Sherlock. The only interesting development about Holmes is the introduce of his older brother Mycroft, played by the well cast Stephen Fry, but there's also not much going on between Sherlock and Mycroft.

It seems Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows is another sequel in recent weeks to feature a great cast, but offers little for them to do. There are some mild laughs and gags, and a bit of existential talk from Moriarty that comes late in the film, but there's just not enough of anything to do more than pass muster. At least the new season of BBC's Sherlock, starring Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman, isn't too far away in 2012.
Grade: C+

Zoe Saldana Goes Liam Neeson on Some Mofos

2011-12-20T20:48:00.000-08:00

I GUESS IT'S NOT A HORROR FILM!

AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE TO WATCH IT IN 3D!

BUTCH LIVES!

REMAKE!

SPOCK CAN'T SAVE THE STOCK MARKET!

IT'S STILL ON THE AIR!

MORE RACHEL MCADAMS, PLEASE!

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!

THEY'RE BROTHERS WITH DADDY ISSUES!

I CAN'T ARGUE WITH THIS FILM'S PREMISE AND/OR STAR!

The Dark Knight Rises Trailer. Fuck the Rest

2011-12-19T21:15:00.000-08:00

Holy crap! There are so many trailers piled up!
A SEPARATION trailer.

PUNISHED trailer.

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS trailer.

THE THREE STOOGES teaser trailer.

THE LUCKY ONE trailer.

MADAGASCAR 3 trailer.

REDLINE trailer.

THE FIVE-YEAR ENGAGEMENT trailer.

DIVISION 3 FOOTBALL FINEST trailer.

MISS MINEOS trailer.

JIRO DREAMS OF SUSHI trailer.

THE IRON LADY second trailer.

BATTLESHIP second trailer.

MEN IN BLACK 3 teaser trailer.

THINK LIKE A MAN trailer.

GI JOE: RETALIATION teaser trailer.

PERFECT SENSE trailer.

ROCK OF AGES teaser trailer.

JACK THE GIANT KILLER teaser trailer.

THE EXPENDABLES 2 teaser trailer.

WRATH OF THE TITANS trailer.

THE DICATOR teaser trailer.

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES feature trailer.

BONUS ROUND!

Here's a viral video for THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO. It's a fake segment made to look like it's from an episode of Hard Copy that talks about the missing person case from the film.

If you're a fan of HBO's GAME OF THRONES, season two is coming and here's the trailer.

HEY! POSTERS!

"Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol" Soundtrack is Punny

2011-12-17T18:04:00.000-08:00

Those movie composers think they're so clever. For Batman Begins, Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard composed tracks, each of them named after a type of bat. Some soundtracks, however, can be a bit of a spoiler if you read the titles of the tracks because they reference events and characters from the film. That said, Michael Giacchino loves him some puns.

The Academy Award winning film composer is no stranger to Lalo Schifrin's original theme from the television series as he returns to score MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - GHOST PROTOCOL. Giacchino is also a regular collaborator for directors Brad Bird and JJ Abrams (the latter serving as producer on the film). So with the fourth and very well received Mission: Impossible film now in Imax theaters, here are the TOP FOUR PUNNY TRACK TITLES FROM THE MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE SOUNDTRACK!

#04. "LAUNCH IS ON HENDRICKS"

#03. "KREMLIN WITH ANTICIPATION"

#02. "MOREAU TROUBLE THAN SHE'S WORTH"

#01. "GIVE HER MY BUDAPEST"

HONORABLE MENTION:

"IN RUSSIA, PHONE DIALS YOU"

It's not exactly a pun, but it's pretty amusing and possibly true.

Again, Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol is in Imax theaters now and will be theaters nationwide Wednesday, December 21st. Michael Giacchino's soundtrack for the film will be released next year on January 10th.

New Movies Being Used to Pimp Out The Dark Knight Rises

2011-12-16T18:41:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure what's up but according to Box Office Mojo, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - GHOST PROTOCOL is opening this weekend in 425 theaters and will expand to 3,400 theaters next Wednesday. I'm guessing the film is only opening in Imax this weekend. Either way, the fourth Mission: Impossible film was shot partially in Imax format for Imax screens. Do you know what else was shot in Imax? The first six minutes of The Dark Knight Rises, which you can watch on select Imax screens before Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol.

Also in limited release this weekend, the tobacco addiction documentary ADDICTION INCORPORATED, Roman Polanski's comedy CARNAGE, and another documentary CORMAN'S WORLD: EXPLOITS OF A HOLLYWOOD REBEL.

BIGGEST RELEASE OF THE WEEKEND:

SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS

Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law return in this sequel with Naomi Rapace (the original Girl with the Dragon Tattoo) to do battle in a game of wits with Holmes' greatest nemesis, Professor Moriarty. It's also rumored that the trailer for The Dark Knight Rises will play before the movie.

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: CHIPWRECKED

I'm pretty sure the entire premise of The Chipmunks is still considered animal cruelty, but this third live-action film in the series has the Chipmunks falling overboard a cruise ship and washing up on an island.

Detective Dee, Perhaps Better Than Sherlock Holmes

2011-12-14T06:33:00.001-08:00

WHEN DID SUPERMAN MAKE ALL OF THESE MOVIES?!
BEST HISTORY LESSON EVER!
HOW MANY IP MAN FILM SARE THERE?!
PEOPLE SURE LIKE PANDAS!
I THINK IT'S A DOCUMENTARY ON SOMETHING!
YOU DAMN DIRTY APES!
SHEEN'S NO MICHAEL J. FOX!
IT SEEMED GOOD ON PAPER!
HOT DOG!
WHY WAS THIS IN THE THIRD DIMENSION?!
LOOKS GOOD TO ME!

FASCINATING BEATS #19 with Carlos, Johnny, Holly Holiday & Levy's Cousin!

2011-12-09T21:59:00.001-08:00

New contributors accepted! Carlos the Nunez, Johnny Quijano enter this round of Fascinating Beats, but are overshadowed by the Christmas cheer of Holly Holiday and the return of Levy's Cousin with a vengence!

CARLOS REYNOSA-NUNEZ'S PICKS

"Dutch Flowers" by Skream
Skream! (2006)

"This song is probably one of my favorites from Skream. It's one of the earliest tracks of what can be labeled as dubstep. It's representative of what dubstep in general is to me, melodic, dark, and bass focused."

"Sparks" by Röyksopp
Melody A.M. (2001)

"Röyksopp is one of the first electronica bands I started liking and I'm thankfully lucky I got to see them live this summer...I like this song because it's straight chillout. Made me realize that there is an entire genre out there, chillout, that will make your mind float and your body relax, all simply through sound."

JOHNNY QUIANO'S PICK

"I Get Around" by 2Pac feat. Shock-G and Money-B
Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z. (1993)

"I'm a hoe like a mofawkin boss!!"

HOLLY HOLIDAY'S PICK

"Sleigh Ride" by The Carpenters
Christmas Portrait (1978)

"The song captures the essence of a snowy holiday season and its catchy and upbeat tune makes it hard for me not to sing along!"

LEVY'S COUSIN'S PICK

"If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys
The Diary of Alicia Keys (2003)

"A classic...and perfect for these cold, chilly nights we've been having. I love this love song. One of my all-time favorites."

MY PICKS

"Mission" by Robin Thicke

Love After War (2011)

This is what Levy's Cousin and I listen to after her pick gets us in the mood for extracurricular late night activities. (My apologies if I can't find the full song).

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"Stop Stop" by The Black Keys
El Camino (2011)

The title is how I imagine Levy's Cousin would respond to my previous comment. But it's still a good song!

"Our Day Will Come" (Ruby and The Romantics cover) by Amy Winehouse
Lioness: Hidden Treasures (2011)

Nevertheless, if this song has any indication on the future then she can't possibly resist forever -- and I don't mean that in a creepy, stalker way.

Don't be alarmed about listening to new Amy Winehouse music. Amy hasn't returned from the grave, but LEVY'S COUSIN'S TUMBLR PAGE HAS! So let's all celebrate by visiting her Tumblr at XT Dang. Wait, there's something different about that title. Oh, no...

IT'S A ZOMBLR!!!!

New Year's Eve Won't Disappoint Those Who Enjoy Bad Movies

2011-12-09T18:18:00.001-08:00

The Irish throw it down in KNUCKLE, Madonna directs the romantic period film W.E., stuff happens in I MELT WITH YOU, Jason Reitman and Diablo Cody (Juno) reteam for YOUNG ADULT (starring Charlies Theron), and what the fuck is wrong with Kevin in WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN?!
With the exception of maybe Young Adult, they all pale in comparison to TINKER, TAILOR, SOLDER, SPY. Tomas Alfredson directs this Cold War spy thriller adapted from a novel that spanwed a late '70s BBC miniseries. It stars Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy, Mark Strong, John Hurt, and Benedict Cumberbatch (BBC's Sherlock). Now that's damn fine casting!

BIGGEST RELEASES OF THE WEEKEND:
THE SITTER

Pre-diet Jonah Hill babysits little kids in an R-rated comedy. It almost writes itself.

NEW YEAR'S EVE

If you enjoyed Valentine's Day, I don't see why you wouldn't enjoy this follow up with a giant cast that, on paper, seems like it'd be better than Tinker, Tailor, Solder, Spy, but it isn't.

I Think I'll Rent The Help

2011-12-06T11:29:00.001-08:00

I'LL GO WITH EMMA STONE, BUT IT'S A CLOSE CALL WITH BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD!
ACTUALLY IN HIGH DEFINITION HOME VIDEO, UNLIKE TWO WEEKS AGO!
IT CAN'T BE ANY WORSE THAN ALIENS VS. NINJAS!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!
HARD TO BELIEVE THERE'LL BE A THIRD ONE!
SOMEONE JUST END THE SERIES AND PUT ALL THE SEASONS IN A BOX SET ALREADY!
PLUSH DOLL!

There's No Harm in Giving Notes

2011-12-05T13:10:00.001-08:00

Are you too busy to give strangers a compliment? Are you to shy to walk up to a person and talk to them like a human being? Are you a medical professional who's not sure how to break some life changing news to your patient? Well you're in luck with these new notes!

Just string a bunch of these together, print them out, and fill them out according. If you spot someone pretty, hand them a note that certifies that they are; it has to be true if it's in print! If someone saved up to buy new shoes, give them something to remember the moment like a "You have nice shoes" note. Even if the person doesn't deserve a compliment, you can still give them a note in a very passive-aggressive way with a note that reads: "You are an asshole."
Is note giving still creepy? It probably is, but in today's fast paced world things come and go in a fleeting moment. At least with a note the person has something nice to hold on to and it gives you the opportunity to give the attractive person your mobile phone number until they use it to spit out their gum. So be bold, folks, and give some people the recognition they deserve.

FASCINATING BEATS #18 with Ashley, Viet, and Levy!

2011-12-04T15:31:00.000-08:00

As we mourn the loss of Levy's Cousin's once great Tumblr page Dang XT, The One and Only Levy returns to Fascinating Beats.

ASHLEY NGUYEN'S PICK

"Immigrant Song" (Led Zeppelin cover) by Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross feat. Karen O
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - Motion Picture Soundtrack (12/9/2011)

"Remakes are never as good as the originals, but this song is downright amazing and has made its mark on me. It includes electro sounds which is something I am really really into and Karen O makes her verses sound so sexy. It just completely and utterly revamps the oldie. Bravo. Well done. Enjoy."

VIET LE'S PICK

"Bitch I Look Like Goku" (Soulja Boy mash-up) by NA
NA (2010)

"Bitch I look like Goku." I say Viet looks more like Yamcha.

THE ONE AND ONLY LEVY TRAN'S PICK

"If I Die Young" by The Band Perry
The Band Perry (2010)

"If it's good enough for the AMAs, it's good for us."

MY PICKS

"Dawn Metropolis" by Anamanaguchi
Dawn Metropolis (2009)

It's a fun fusion of 8-bit video game music and electronic rock.

"Baby, It's Cold Outside" by She & Him
A Very She & Him Christmas (2011)

We've probably gotten a little too much Zooey Deschanel this year, but her new Christmas album with her bandmate M. Ward is pretty good if you like She & Him's sound.

"The Start of Something" by Voxtrot
Raised by Wolves EP (2005)

If Voxtrot were still active, they'd probably be featured on the soundtracks of more bad Katherine Heigl romantic comdies.

"Bad Things" (Freddie Gibb remix) by Cults
NA (2011)

Cults' pop sound gets more bass and a black guy rapping, kinda like Rebecca Black's songs.

Visit Viet Le's blog at The Studio Scholar and, if you can, pay your respects to the now departed Tumblr of Levy's Cousin, as we will for the next week. I'm already missing all of her own dream interpretations, ambiguous conversations, and reblogged photos.

The Mysterious Island is Where Liam Neeson Goes on Vacation

2011-12-04T13:51:00.000-08:00

Ah! Not the trailers! Not the trailers! Ahhhh!!

JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND international trailer. I don't care what you say; I'm watching it for Hudgens.

JOHN CARTER trailer. I don't know what's going on, but it looks like a poor man's Abadah.

SHAME red-band trailer. Magneto likes to shag!

THE GREY second trailer. Liam Neeson: 1. Nature: 0.

THE SITTER final trailer. This could have easily starred Vin Diesel.

WISH YOU WERE HERE trailer. This would be like the unfunny version of The Hangover 2 if The Hangover 2 were actually funny.

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO 8-minute trailer with an original trailer score by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross. Rooney Mara looks like she's going to have a bigger career than her older sister Kate.

HEY! POSTERS!

I Need An Incredible Gift for The Incredible Jennifer Le!

2011-12-03T22:17:00.000-08:00

Christmas is fast approaching and it'll be difficult to top the gift I gave The Incredible Jennifer Le last year, a ShakeWeight which she probably never used and is still in its original packaging. So what else is there to give a girl for the winter holiday?

I'm heavily considering the CRAVE DUET to stuff her stocking (no pun intended). Some might find it offensive, crude, or even a bit creepy to give a girl a sex toy as a gift, but it's not like I'm asking her to use it in front of me. I'm not saying she shouldn't use it in front of me, but it's her present and she should do whatever she wants with it in private. Besides, have you seen the promotional video for it? It looks amazing in both form and function!

It's like Apple made a self-pleasuring device for women. It looks so cool that I wouldn't mind getting one for Christmas even though I have no use for it; I would like to have it just to have it. What does the Duet have to offer? Is it compact? Check. Discrete? Check. Waterproof for tub use? Check. USB rechargeable? You fucking know it! If that's not enough, YOU CAN STORE 8 OR 16 GBs OF DATA ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I'm not saying Jennifer Le needs a Duet (since she is incredible and all), but sometimes a busy gal on-the-go needs a quickie to get through the work week and, as much as I'd like to be there to help her out, I'm not always available. Homegirl can take the Duet with her anywhere, no one will know what it is, she can do her thing when she feels inclined to do so, and then print out some PowerPoint slides afterwards.

Too bad it's only available for pre-order and the wait list is beyond absurd. Apparently, Crave is a pre-launch company that doesn't have the full resources to mass produce the Duet. The company is still working on fulfilling backorders from when they first introduced the item on CKIE before it can get around to the pre-orders on their own site. So it's back to the drawing board for The Incredible Jennifer Le's present.

I want to give Le a gift that says I care about her, but not come off too strong. The gift should also be something that she might enjoy and is practical enough that she might be able to use. Oh, I know!

For more info or to pre-order the Duet, plot a course over to Love Crave.

The Calm Before the Holiday Rush

2011-12-02T12:38:00.000-08:00

I shall wait for most of these new movies on DVD and/or the bluest of rays. They're also all in limited release. So, if you choose to do so and can find them, you can check out Takeshi Kitano's latest film OUTRAGE, Dane Cook in the drama ANSWERS TO NOTHING, Voldemort directing and starring in the Shakespeare adaptation CORIOLANUS, the foreign comedy PASTORELA, Magneto (Michael Fassbender) in a critically acclaimed role as a sex-addict in SHAME, and Emily Browning starring in what appears to be a rape filled artsy fartsy film titled SLEEPING BEAUTY. There's quite a bit of nudity, too bad some of it has to include old man balls (or so I've heard).

If you're looking to take the family or the younglings to a family film, Nghi Pham told me Arthur Christmas is "cute," The Muppets is a crowd pleaser, and Brandon Nguyen confessed that Scorsese's Hugo in THE THIRD DIMENSION was "one of the best movies I've seen in years...a fantastic adventure with gorgeous mini perspectives of every character." All three films are in theaters now.

The Cameras, They're Everywhere!

2011-11-29T08:13:00.000-08:00

WORLDS COLLIDING!

THIS BLU RAY COVER IS GETTING BY!

YOU'RE THE MAN NOW, ZEBRAMAN!

A.K.A. THE KIM KARDASHIAN'S MARRIAGE!
I REMEMBER WHEN THIS WAS JUST A MOVIE!

SHE'S BIGGER IN THE UK!

STOP TRYING TO KILL THEM!

THAT'S A TRIO OF YES PLEASE!

IT'S GOT A SUPERMAN AND A BATMAN!

I DON'T KNOW IF HATHAWAY GOES NUDE IN THIS!

THIS WAS ODD TO WATCH!

YOU MIGHT REMEMBER THIS MOVIE WHEN IT WAS FIRST CALLED 'NO STRINGS ATTACHED'!

HOMEGIRL CAN SING!

THIS COVER LOOKS LIKE A GAY PORNO!

TOP/BOTTOM: Black Ninja Got Pepper Sprayed in the Face!

2011-11-26T15:32:00.000-08:00

TOP TWO FILMS

THE KITE RUNNER (2007)

Marc Forster proves that daddy issues and regret are universal in this foreign film based off of Khaled Hosseini's novel by the same title. The film centers around the character of Amir, son of a wealthy Afghan man Baba. The Kite Runner opens with Amir as a published author living in California with his wife and flashes back to his youth in Afghanistan as the Soviets were invading.

Shame, a theme that's worked through the film well, holds the narrative and characters together, but there's a lot going on and not all of it comes together as well as it should. There's the conflict between Amir and Baba, the conflict between Amir and his friend (and son of the family's servant) Hassan, and the bullying are a few of the interesting things going on with the story, but a good deal of it is glossed over.

It also doesn't help that Amir is a pretty big dick for most of the first half, making it harder (at least for me) to appreciate adult Amir growing a pair and being a better man by confronting his problems. In a way, about the last third of the film almost feels like a completely different movie all together.

The thing that saves The Kite Runner, though, is the setting and the political and social commentary. It's interesting to watch the lives of these Afghans, where they came from and how they live. With some great kite flying scenes added in (yes, I said great kite flying scenes), The Kite Runner sort of works as a jumbled tale about family honor and standing up for what's right.

GRADE: B+

SUPER 8 (2011)

It's difficult to imagine what JJ Abrams would do without the wonderful music composed by Michael Giacchino. Abrams is a good blockbuster filmmaker in his own right, but Super 8 never fully captures a sense of awe, wonder, and emotional depth the same way Giacchino's score for the film does alone.

Set in 1979, new comer Joel Courtney stars as Joe Lamb, a middle school student who's mother recently died in a tragic steel mill accident. While Joe helps his homies finish their zombie film, he gets sprung over Alice Dainard (Elle Fanning, younger sister of Dakota Fanning). Their love, however, cannot be because Joe's dad, Jackson (Kyle Chandler), blames Alice's dad, Louis (Ron Eldard), for the death of Joe's mother because Louis was too drunk the day of the accident and she had to cover his shift. It's just like Lost, but with little kids dealing with daddy issues and regret!

In any case, the kids witness their chemistry teacher deliberately crashing into a US Air Force cargo train, causing it to derail and release a mysterious extraterrestrial monster that terrorizes the younglings' small town. The alien doesn't have that much to do with the daddy issues and regret at all, but it does provide some convenient plotting to bring everyone together at the end.

Super 8 isn't a wonderful nostalgic experience even though it's a bit of a throwback to Steven Spielberg's early sci-fi and adventure films from the same late '70s and early '80s era -- Spielberg also co-produced Super 8 with Abrams. Younglings watching Super 8 today might not even hold a flame for it 10-15 years from now the same way fans have for the Spielberg produced The Goonies or E.T., both films being clear influences for Abrams.

The lens flares are still a bit distracting (probably more so here than in Abrams' Star Trek) and, even though Elle Fanning doesn't looke 13 at all, Elle's a great in the film and is one of the reasons why Super 8 is a recommendable film to watch. It's definitely no Goonies, but Abrams & Co. bring together a good ensemble cast that works best when it sticks with the core group of kids working through life and the town's unravelling mystery.

GRADE: B

BOTTOM TWO FILMS

THE BLACK NINJA (2002)

If there's a prestigous award for best use of stock audio and video clips, Clayton Prince should win it for this film. Ironically, the stock footage is better shot than the actual film. Prince writes, directs, and stars in The Black Ninja, a film that lacks the fun filled camp of similiar black martial arts films like The Last Dragon or the cool of Jim Kelly's blaxploitation films.

Prince plays Malik, a star attorney who needs to be seen in action because you'll laugh in disbelief at the courtroom scenes. Malik cleans out an Asian ninja crime boss in legal fees and regrets it when the ninja thug kills his wife. Looking for revenge, Malik trains under a ninja master and returns as the mysterious vigilante Black Ninja. There's other stuff involved -- like a romance between Malik and a woman who's initially against vigilantism until Black Ninja saves her -- but why complicate the matter? I was sold on the title alone and look where that got me.

Yes, the film is bad; it also looks bad just from a technical perspective. Those who can overlook the stylistic and low-budget production issues may enjoy The Black Ninja as one of those films that's so bad it's entertaining to watch.

GRADE: D+

HOOKING UP (2009)

You know the film's in trouble when a present day Corey Feldman is trying to pass for a 25 year old in this teen sex comedy that looks like it was made by teens with a Mac.

Too be honest, I'm not even sure what the film is about; it seems like a collection of scenes from a bad softcore porno. All the characters appear to be jailbait, but they're all having sex, some with older people without any sort of legal consequence. One girl is blowing all the guys at school, another wants to bang the teacher, and one guy appears to be bi-sexual with sexual fantasies for his sister. It's like an exercise in crude humor, but there's nothing to bring it all together in a coherent story.

It would be more understandable if there was some sort of theme or comment on teenage kids, but there's none of that. There isn't even that much nudity for a supposedly unrated, straight-to-video movie. I am amazed, however, that the filmmakers were able to get Corey Feldman, Brian O'Halloran from Clerks, and Bronson Pinchot from Perfect Strangers and Beverly Hills Cop to all be in the film. I was waiting for O'Halloran to blurt out his line from Clerks ("How many dicks have you sucked?!") to his daughter or her friend no one was clever enough to suggest that reference be in the film.

GRADE: D+

TOP HONORABLE MENTION: THE AMERICAN (2010) - A well-made and low key spy thriller starring George Clooney. [ B ]

BOTTOM HONORABLE MENTION: THE HOWLING II: YOUR SISTER IS A WEREWOLF (1986) - A ridiculous and unnecessary sequel that reeks of '80s excess, but Sybil Danning almost makes it worth watching. [ C- ]

How Many 'Fucks' Will Be Said in Scorsese's Hugo?

2011-11-25T13:14:00.000-08:00

I wouldn't say silent films are making a comeback, but THE ARTIST is one new film that uses the old silent format with interlaced title cards. The film is set during the dawn of talking motion pictures and is about a silent film superstar who may or may not fall in love with a new actress who's career is on the rise in the new the new era of cinema.

Also in limited release this weekend, Michelle Williams stars as the iconic Marilyn Monroe in MY WEEK WITH MARILYN and Magneto and Aragorn play doctor with Keira Knightley in David Cronenberg's A DANGEROUS METHOD.

BIGGEST RELEASES OF THE WEEKEND:

HUGO

Martin Scorsese's first feature film shot in THE THIRD DIMENSION also appears to be his first children's film. It's getting positive reviews, but I'm going to pass on it anyway.

ARTHUR CHRISTMAS

If Santa really was that high tech, wouldn't he just build androids with Christmas magic to make all of toys and deliver them?

THE MUPPETS

Disney makes Jason Segel's dream come true by allowing him to write and star in a new Muppets movie. Thanks, Disney!

Brief Discussion on LIMITLESS with David Amirian

2011-11-23T20:54:00.000-08:00

Via Facebook. Moon's Day the 21st. Night.

DAVID: I watched 3 movies in one day on Sunday. Troll 2, Limitless, and Hooking Up.

ME: Limitless was pretty entertaining in a dumb sort of way.

DAVID: Yeah, it was trying too hard to be one of those mind-fuck movies, but it was just kinda dumb like you said.

ME: It was trying to be cool and smart, but then by the time the Russian mob came in, my brain checked out.

DAVID: I didn't really get where the drug comes from; they didn't explore that. I think that would have been more interesting than the Russian mob. And it seemed like they tossed in Robert De Niro at the end there for no other reason than to use him again.

ME: It had some interesting things about it, though, and [Bradley] Cooper was pretty good.

DAVID: Yeah, he was.

ME: "I've refined the drug and now I'm better than before!"

DAVID: "You didn't get all my labs." "I don't even need the drug anymore!" HAHAHAHA.

ME: The color scheme change was a nice touch stylistically.

DAVID: Also, I didn't get the girlfriend that kept giving him second chances. Yeah, I liked how they showed you how he was on a drug.

ME: It reminds me of one of those allergy medication ads.

DAVID: HAHAHA. Now I'm on Claritin Clear.

ME: "I can see clearly now the rain is gone!"

DAVID: Holy shit. That's a movie right there. "Allergyless." You can breathe and smell stuff.

Someone get Joel Silver on the phone!

April O'Neil Crashes in on Cimorelli!

2011-11-23T18:34:00.000-08:00

I follow Monica Tam's Tumblr page, A Girl with Random Thoughts, for one reason and one reason alone: it amuses me in a fustrating way -- which is unlike the reason why I follow April O'Neil's Tumblr powered blog, Hey, It's April: it's got boobs.

In her "Reasons to Be Thankful" post, Monica jumped the gun and decided to share what she's thankful for a week before Thanksgiving.

Parents, check. Siblings, check. The homies, check. All three are logical choices. And then I read Monica's final reason to be thankful this Thanksgiving:

CIMORELLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Homegirl's most thankful for YouTube sensation Cimorelli this year. I know this because she didn't just pimp out Cimorelli's upcoming EP, Monica had the most to write about the all-girl family band and the most original thing to say about them. Of course, most people love their family and friends and blah-blah-blah, but Tam put in some real thought for Cimorelli. You can even compare the love through visual measurements.

Tam's parents got about one April O'Neil head worth of text. Her siblings and friends each got about the same amount of text with 1.5 April heads. Cimorelli, however, recieved almost six April O'Neil heads of text! This begs the question, who are Cimorelli? Are they immortal? Their ways supernatural? Why would you love them more than your parents?!?!?!

According to their official website Cimorelli Music, Cimorelli is made up of six sisters from Sacramento, CA (the oldest being 21 and the youngest is 11). In 2009, the girls became YouTube famous after covering Miley Cyrus' "Party in the USA." Since then, they've covered many Top 40 songs and have been signed by Universal Music Group. How good are the girls? I've embeded three Cimorelli videos in this post.

Those girls are actually pretty good for YouTube, which is where they should probably stay. I'd post a few more Cimorelli videos, but, by now, I'm sure most of you just want to look at more April O'Neil photos. If you don't want to see more photos of April, well I'm posting them anyway because I don't want to sit through more Cimorelli videos. In regards to those reading this in a public space, the following photos are SFS (Safe For Starbucks).

Catch up with Monica Tam at her Tumblr page, A Girl with Random Thoughts. It's quite amazing, but not nearly as amazing as April O'Neil's body of work -- Doesn't April seem like a keeper? You can also pick up Cimorelli's EP Cim Fam on December 5th.

And don't forget to support your new favorite pornstar, April O'Neil, by following her Tumblr page at Hey, It's April.

Ms Krebs is a Total Bitch

2011-11-23T14:19:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in class and got a Facebook message from a girl named Judy Sun. I'm not sure why most people think it's creepy to message a stranger who they think they might know. It's only logical to ask and find out for sure. But this is Judy's message and my response.

She never replied or added me as a friend, even though we appear to have three mutual friends on Facebook.

When Did Disney Make All These Christmas DVDs?!

2011-11-22T19:44:00.000-08:00

I SHOULD STILL PROBABLY WATCH THIS!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY!

FOR A MOMENT, I THOUGHT MORGAN FREEMAN MADE A PORNO!

LENS FLARES AND DADDY ISSUES!

I HOPE IT'S BETTER THAN THE LIVE ACTION MOVIE!

IT'S ABOUT THE UNIVERSE!

CROM LAUGHS AT YOUR REMAKES!

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!

CONSIDER THIS ADDED TO MY QUEUE!

IT'S A SOLID GOLD MAN!

ALTERNATIVE TITLE: "BLACK CHRISTMAS!"

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS!

The Vow Had Me at McAdams

2011-11-21T19:13:00.000-08:00

I like Tarsem, but his Snow White adaptation in this Trailer Dump doesn't look as interesting as the other Snow White adaptation from last week's Trailer Rank.

THE HUNGER GAMES feature trailer.

THE IRON LADY UK trailer.

MIRROR, MIRROR trailer.

TITANIC re-release in THE THIRD DIMENSION trailer.

W.E. trailer.

RAMPART trailer.

THE VOW second trailer.

BRAVE feature trailer.

GONE trailer.

HEY! POSTERS!

DON'T DO IT! Desperate Loitering Mobs!

2011-11-20T21:30:00.000-08:00

This isn't just me being a grumpy old mofo because I never fully approved of loitering in the middle of a fucking parking lot like a bunch of punk ass kids. You know what I'm talking about, THE DESPERATE MOB. They're the group of people desperate to find something to do so their night doesn't end.

I'm pretty sure most people growing up know what I'm talking about and probably still do it. It's the natural tendancy for groups of friends meeting together for an social engagement, not knowing what to do afterwards, and then huddle around in a large circle, shooting the shit until someone comes up with an idea to do something else. DON'T DO IT! It's inconsiderate and embarressing.

In most cases, it's not even a good idea; it's a terrible idea. "Oh, let's go get some boba" or "let's go bowling." Who the fuck in their right mind wants to go bowling? Kids do! Do you know who else likes boba drinks? Kids do! It's even sadder when those options are the first to be tossed out and accepted. Equally as disappointing when you're in your mid-20s, getting ice cream to end your night because that's what grown folks do, right? Most of the time, however, groups just settle on the lamest idea available because it's the closest option and it's open at night. Here's an idea: get a job and go home so you don't wake up late for it.

This seems to happen with all generations. It certainly happened when I was in high school, but everytime I catch an evening showing at the cinema now, I come out and find people just standing around aimlessly. They congregate in front of the theater, the parking lot, tea stores, and etc. It's like an Occupy protest, but with less self-righteousness; they just take up space and create an obstruction for people like me just trying to walk through or drive home without ever really gaining anything significant in return. What the fuck is it with you people?!?! Can't any of you make organized plans?! Just make one place your designated gathering spot so you don't get in other people's way.

For the younglings, though, it might be more along the lines that they don't have transportation. So, of course, they just stand around like assholes awkwardly hitting on the most attractive girl in the group and playing nice to her slightly less attractive friend. That's understandable, but have some common decency. While it's shamelessly amusing to see two younglings making the poor decision to have a full blown make out session in public view, no one really wants to see that. It's fairly depressing to even catch a glance of it in passing because all a person can do at that point is introduce the future of the country and it just looks like a scary place.

When I was part of The Desperate Mob, I hated it. I couldn't stand being in it and always tried to get the group to at least move out of the way of on-coming traffic. Then I got older, I got a car, and now I just bail when everyone's just standing around looking for something to do. The idea is that my obligation to these folks has been completed and I'm out! I'm done here. Good day. That should be everybody's policy, but it's not. So the best I can do is just say this: DON'T DO IT! Don't be part of The Desperate Mob. Don't do it, but, if you have to, be more considerate of others.

FASCINATING BEATS #17 with Hoang, Nghi, and Ashley!

2011-11-20T16:57:00.000-08:00

We welcome two new contributors to Fascinating Beats. One brings us a Korean girl group of leggy girls and the other being a leggy girl -- see what I did there? (Pats self on back)

HOANG NGO'S PICK

"Be My Baby" by Wonder Girls
Wonder World (2011)

"Catchy song as hell. I love me some Wonder Girls, though." SNSD has too many legs for him; he can't handle it!

NGHI PHAM'S PICK

"What Makes You Beautiful" by One Direction
Up All Night (November 20, 2011)

"I found a new boyband to obsess about. I like the Nick Jonas look-alike! He's almost legal. It's so catchy!"

ASHLEY NGUYEN'S PICK

"Levels" by Avicii
N/A (2011)

"It's my favourite song by my favourite DJ."

MY PICKS

"Only If for a Night" by Florence + the Machine
Ceremonials (2011)

I'm pretty sure if this doesn't show up on an episode of a CW series then it'll be on a trailer in the near future. Other than that, who else finds Florence Welsh attractive besides me?

"I Should Have Known" by Foo Fighters
Wasting Light (2011)

If you've got angst and regret, this one's for you! I also recommend the band's documentary Foo Fighters: Back and Forth, now on DVD and the bluest of rays; it chronicals the band's post-Nirvana conception up through the making of their Wasting Light album with lots of footage and interviews.

"Grand Canyon" by Kavinsky
1986 EP (2007)

True to the year in the title of the EP, the song makes me want to jump into a black, high tech Pontiac Trans-Am and fight crime, or at least some cool looking car.

"Love Will Take You" by Angus & Julia Stone
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1 - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (2011)

Another than laughs, the Twilight films prove to have one consistantly good thing going for it: its soundtrack.

Speaking of Twilight, apparently Edward and Bella weren't the only ones who got hitched. Ashley officially became the loving wife of Trung Nguyen recently. So let's all congratulate these two people who I've never actaully met on tying the knot.

An extra big thumbs up also needs to go to Trung Nguyen for putting a ring on it because Ashley seems like a winner! It's like he saw her, went on a date, she said yes to a second date, and he automatically knew he had to lock that shit down. Well played, sir, and live long and prosper, Mr. and Mrs. Nguyen.

Teen Vampire Mom

2011-11-18T14:59:00.000-08:00

For someone 57 years old, I'd probably still do Ellen Barkin. She stars the drama ANOTHER HAPPY DAY, which is one of a few films out in limited release this weekend. Demi Moore co-stars and she's still looking good for 49.

Also out in limited release is Alexander Payne's THE DESCENDANTS, starring George Clooney. Let's not forget THE LIE and TOMBOY.

BIGGEST RELEASES OF THE WEEKEND:

HAPPY FEET TWO

I haven't seen the first one; I have no desire to see the second one. I'm sure it'll still probably make a bunch of money. So more power to you.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN, PART 1

I wouldn't pay to watch it, but I'm perfectly okay with the idea of sitting through if someone paid for my ticket. The previous three films were pretty funny, even if they were unintentionally funny.

Sigur Ros' Fantastic Gibberish Hits Blu Ray!

2011-11-15T08:58:00.000-08:00

JOHNNY DEEP'S GOT KIDS TO FEED ON HIS PRIVATE ISLAND!

THIS IS ALREADY OUT ON VIDEO?!

WHO'S WATCHING THIS SHOW?!

NICE TRY!

OBI WAN NEVER TOLD YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT HIS FATHER!

IT'S PROBABLY NOT THAT AWKWARD!

"APOCALYPTIC STAKES?" I'M SOLD!

I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS ICELANDIC BAND!

Evil Queen is More Attractive Than Snow White

2011-11-13T20:18:00.000-08:00

There isn't much to rank in this Trailer Rank.

#05. A THOUSAND WORDS trailer. If Brett Ratner had this magical tree, Eddie Murphy might still be hosting the Oscars.

#04. JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND trailer. It almost had me at Vanessa Hudgens, but will this mysterious island have a smoke monster?

#03. HAYWIRE another fucking trailer. It's a sleeker trailer that makes it look a little better than it probably will be.

#02. SAFE trailer. Statham must protect a little Asian girl who's good with numbers and presumably the violin.

#01. SNOW WHITE AND THE HUNTSMAN trailer. Shit just got real for Snow White.

BONUS ROUND!

The character rendering isn't top notch, but the environment for this game looks amazing in this prototype video for TOM CLANCY'S RAINBOW 6 PATRIOTS! Then again, it does say "not actual gameplay footage" at the bottom.

HEY! POSTERS!

Let the Mommy Issues Begin!

2011-11-11T15:05:00.000-08:00

World are colliding in Lars Von Trier's MELANCHOLIA! The film's been out overseas for some time and finally gets a limited release stateside. I think this might have mommy issues, too, but I can't be sure.

Also out in limited release this weekend are LONDON BOULEVARD (starring Keira Knightley, yes please!), INTO THE ABYSS, THE GREENING OF WHITNEY BROWN, THE CONQUEST, 11-11-11, and ELITE SQUAD: THE ENEMY WITHIN.

If none of those catch your eye, then you can always stay in and play Uncharted 3.

BIGGEST RELEASES OF THE WEEKEND:

J. EDGAR

Clint Eastwood directs this biopic about J. Edgar Hoover, the mastermind behind the FBI. DiCaprio stars as Hoover who seems to be going through major mommy issues!

IMMORTALS

If you can't get enough Greek mythology, Tarsem helms this take on Theseus. Henry Cavill stars alongside Mickey Rourke. And if you think Cavill's pretty buff in this film, he's certainly bulked up to play Superman in Zack Snyder's Man of Steel.

JACK AND JILL

If Sandler's new film takes the number one spot this weekend, then the GOP will take the White House in 2012 and chaos shall reign. We can't let the Joker win!

FASCINATING BEATS #16.5 with Levy's Cousin!

2011-11-08T09:01:00.000-08:00

It was nice having Sarah Kim break up the potential cockfest on our recent Fascinating Beats post, but, let's be honest, no friend of Tu Khuu can ever fill the shoes of Levy's Cousin. And to show why she's so awesome, Levy's Cousin took the time out of her busy schedule to give us her picks and a little quickie (yes please) in a supplement post!

LEVY'S COUSIN'S PICKS

"It Will Rain" by Bruno Mars
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1 - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (2011)

"I'm not a Twilight fan, but the song is pretty good. ahahah, Bruno is good at those sad sappy lovey dumpy songs."

Aaliyah - If Your Girl Only Knew (Sweater Beats Tribute Remix) by SWEATER BEATS
"If Your Girl Only Knew" (Sweater Beats tribute remix) by Aaliyah
N/A (2011)

"I like this DJ. His mixes and beats are really good, easy to listen to, and hits the spot."

There was more to that conversation after I sent Levy's Cousin the Sweater Beats remix to confirm that's her pick.

LEVY'S COUSIN: "Oooooooooooh yeaaaaa. Oh yea. Oh yea. Oh yea. Oh yea. Ye. Ye. Ye. Ye. Ye. Oooooh yes. Seck."

I hope that was as good for Levy's Cousin as it was for me reading all of that. I've never had anyone climax over a song and type it all out before but, clearly, video chat would have made all the difference there. She deserves a smoke after that. Actually, I think we all do.

You can digitally stalk your new favorite girl at her Tumblr page Dang XT. Then edit yourself into the lovely photo Levy's Cousin posted of herself on November 5th and make it your Facebook profile picture. I'm sure she won't mind as long as you make all of your friends jealous.

Beckinsale Can Shoot Large Holes in Anything!

2011-11-08T06:53:00.000-08:00

Here come the trailers! I'm just dumping them on this post. Enjoy.

GOON trailer.

WANDERLUST trailer.

SAFE HOUSE trailer.

21 JUMP STREET red-band trailer.

UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING trailer.

SHAME trailer.

PROJECT X trailer.

AMERICAN REUNION feature trailer.

No Boobs in This Post. Just the Promise of Them!

2011-11-08T06:38:00.000-08:00

THIS COVER DISTURBS ME, FOR SOME REASON!

I SHOULD PROBABLY GOOGLE SEARCH INFO ON THIS!

I NEED BOOBS IN THE FIRST FRAME!

SPOILER ALERT! VOLDEMORT FAILS!

...THIS THING FAILS, TOO!

I'M SURE SOME PEOPLE FOUND THIS ENLIGHTENING!

THIS HAS BOOBS, TOO!

FASCINATING BEATS #16 with Tu, Sarah, & The Mighty Alfonso!

2011-11-04T21:48:00.000-07:00

Levy's Cousin won't be joining us for this edition of Fascinating Beats, but there is a jam packed list of songs, including one from a new contributor! Other than that, I hope you know Japanese or Taiwanese.

TU KHUU'S PICKS

"Meaning of Life" by Kondor
Peace of Mind (2008)

"Great song for the current weather." For your information, the current weather is partly cloudy, 6 MPH winds, 64% humidity, and 57°F with a chance of showers.

"Mr. Rager" by Kid Cudi
Man on the Moon II: The Legend of Mr. Rager (2010)

"Great song about inner struggle."

SARAH KIM'S PICK

"Top of the World" by Trey Songz
Inevitable EP (November 28, 2011)

"I like the vibe of it."

THE MIGHTY ALFONSO'S PICKS

"Mermaid" by Aldious
Determination (2011)

"I don’t know much about this band, except that none of the members are men dressed up as women as it commonly occurs in most Visual Kei Japanese Rock bands. I like that Gothic melancholy they are able to incorporate into the magic riffs of Power Metal."

"Broken Jade" by Chthonic
Takasago Army (2011)

"Taiwanese Death Metal band Chthonic is as political as it is mystical. This song comes from their latest album Takasago Army, which is about a group of Taiwanese soldiers used by the Japanese imperial army during World War II against the Americans and the Allies. I read in a review that this album is about 'real shit and the horrors of war' and that it was 'very solid' music-wise."

"Cannibal Coast" by Aural Vampire
ZOLTANK (2010)

"This duo comes from Osaka, Japan. Exo Chika is the lead singer, and Rave man is the producer/DJ. Exo Chika is a vampire and Rave Man a zombie, which is the reason why he covers his face with a mask. Although the lyrics are influenced by horror films, they are quite an animated duo and seem more friendly than threatening… or maybe that’s their way to lure us."

"I Am a Cat" by Shonen Knife
Let's Knife (1992)

"Shonen Knife, a band from Osaka, Japan that has been around since the early '80s, inevitably makes you happy with their apparently senseless lyrics and happy tunes. It was shocking for me to hear that Kurt Cobain cited them as one of his favorite bands. How can a man so angry and rebellious like something so happy? I thought to myself. I don’t blame him. I had the chance to see them live at The Echo in L.A. this Tuesday, and I couldn’t help but enjoy each and every one of their songs about eating jelly beans, animals, and freedom. It was almost like rainbows came out of their guitars and enchanted the audience into a trance of joy."

"KKK Took My Baby Away" by The Ramones
Pleasant Dreams (1981)

"This is the first Ramones song I ever heard. I provide this link because the official music video doesn’t do it justice, it takes away the seriousness of the lyrics. Though that might be the point, this is one of the bands that influenced Shonen Knife after all."

MY PICKS

"1979" (Smashing Pumpkins cover) by RAC feat. Liz Anjos
N/A (2011)

While YouTube servers are overpopulated with mediocre cover songs, leave it to the Remix Artist Collective to continually put out good work based on other artists' songs.

"Television" by You Won't
Skeptic Goodbye (2011)

I won't laugh at you if you start clapping along with this song.

"Blue Train (ブルートレイン Buruu Torein)" by Asian Kung-Fu Generation
Fanclub (2006)

They could be reading a Japanese translation of Twilight for all I know, but the band plays well together.

"Afterdark" by Blaqk Audio
Batman: Arkham City - The Album (2011)

You probably could also use this song for Batman Beyond and make Terry into an angsty, emo, dark wave teen.

NPH Lives!

2011-11-04T14:11:00.000-07:00

Why does Bono have to keep a guy down? You can find out why in one of this weekend's new films, KILLING BONO. It's one of a few new films out in limited release, including the drama IN THE FAMILY and the crime film THE SON OF NO ONE. I'm not sure if Son of No One is a crime comedy or drama, though, since it stars Channing Tatum, Al Pacino, and Tracy Morgan.

BIGGEST RELEASES OF THE WEEKEND:

A VERY HAROLD AND KUMAR CHRISTMAS

John Cho and Kal Penn return for a third Harold and Kumar film, this time they're saving Christmas or some shit like that. During this new adventure, I'm sure you can expect a lot of drugs, boobs, and the return of NPH in THE THIRD DIMENSION!

TOWER HEIST

Ben Stiller and Eddie Murphy try to rob...something. I don't know. I don't really care.

Girls Must Appreciate Being Told Their Fly is Down

2011-11-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

My conscience was on deck earlier today at work when a pretty attractive and leggy girl came into the store rocking denim short shorts. While she was paying, I had about a 30 second window to make a Captain Kirk-like decision on whether or not to tell the girl HER FLY WAS DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep in mind the facts: 1) She's a leggy girl, 2) I'm a dude, 3) I'm at work, and 4) She's a complete stranger. Do I tell her? Do I not tell her? How would she react? Would she take it the wrong way and think I'm a creep? The last thing I want to do is cause a scene when I'm just trying to help her out.

If there was something stuck in her hair or a price tag still attached to the back of her shirt, no problemo. I've helped female strangers cut off pricetags on their undershirts after asking them if they forgot it was there or if they were saving the tag to return it after wearing it. Telling a girl she didn't zip up her pants, though, could yield disasterous results. I'm basically incriminating myself by admitting that I may or may not have had my eyes on the prize; I'm inadvertantly telling her I was eyeing the cookie jar. I'm running out of euphemisms for googling her erogenous zone, but you get the idea.

Homegirl was paying with her debit card and the card reader was right next to the highway to the danger zone. So, in my defense, there's no possible way I could have missed it unless I was blind, not doing my job, or was simply a terrible human being for letting her go through the rest of her day walking around campus with a peep show going on. Although, if we're keepin' it one hundred, there's a 95% chance I would still have noticed her fly was down because she really is blessed with killer legs and the short shorts were just an unavoidable trap.

In the end, after her receipt printed out, I stopped her and told her in the calmest and sincerest tone possible, "Don't take this the wrong way, but your fly is down." She looked down, smiled, zipped up, and thanked me. CRISIS AVERTED!

"At least someone told me sooner than later," she told me. I agreed and admitted that I didn't want to come off a creep by telling her she didn't have everything locked up. Would you have told a complete stranger their fly is down, though? I figure it's just the decent thing to do regardless of the person or setting. I mean, these are civilized times, damnit. We've got to look out for each other or the terrorists win!

Still, she might have took it well at that moment, I'm pretty sure she later posted on her Facebook page that a handsome stranger told her that her fly was down. Then a bunch of creepy guys will like the post and one of her female friends will comment, "He was totally scoping out the area."

Alba's Got Math Skills!

2011-11-02T09:02:00.000-07:00

I'M NOT SURE WHAT THIS IS ABOUT!

NOPE!

DON'T FUCK WITH NIC CAGE!

STATES!

MOORE, STONE, AND TOMEI, YES PLEASE!

WITHERSPOON IS OKAY!

RUBEN'S GOTTA EAT!

I FORGOT WHAT IT'S ABOUT, BUT I'M RENTING IT!

LOOKIN' GOOD, ALBA!

I'M GUESSING ASIANS ARE INVOLVED!